“So kids, are you ready for a good story? I was known for being a good storyteller in my time. You see Sims 3 were not the first sims to roam random neighborhoods. There was another time, in a galaxy far, far away… Let me take you back…”
“Listen lady, you just bribed us with candy to be here. We don’t want to hear lame old stories, we want to play video games and look pretty. That’s what we do.”
“Look you little ingrates, you are going to hear my story and you are going to like it! Now circle round, cause this might get a little scary for you lolly pop munchkins!”
So originally, Maxis said let there be sims, and there was the Sims 1. And Maxis look upon Sims 1 and said,this is good. And Maxis created Sims 2. Sims 2 was the rise of the Sim Empire. Us writers came alive. Stories such as the Uglacy, Apocalypso-Go-Go, Bearly Alive, Simhaven, Disney Legacy and so many more ruled the exchange. Challenges, Apocalypses, stories of every shape and size, unbelievable videos, player made content, it was the golden days of the sims. There was something for everyone. All on one main site. And it was a free site with free content.
But sadly it was not destined to last. EA figured out that to make money they needed to recycle it and repackage the sims. Worse they shut down the exchange and nothing since has compared community-wise. The fans scattered to the winds, trying to keep stories alive on blogs and in player ran forums. Alas, the golden age had died.
“Lady no offense, but that’s a boring story. Sorry your life is so pathetic. It’s not even scary. What does it matter to us if that game got trashed. Look at us, we’re far superior. We’re all pretty, and now everyone can take prettier pictures and have flowery backgrounds and log in Origin and buy lots and lots of content with actual money. It’s a paradise. You’re just old and stuck in the past.”
“Kid, I hate to break your little cookie cutter heart… well not really, but EA is about to do the same thing to your world. Sims 3 is being replaced by Sims 4.
“WHAT?! They can’t do that! We are gorgeous, perfect sims. What about all the expansions?!”
“Yeah well suck it up, buttercup. Sims 2 had plenty of expansions and it didn’t save them. Your neighborhood is about to go to the graveyard of forgotten games.
“Waaah, you’re mean lady. I don’t want to go to that graveyard and die!”
“That’s scary, tell me it’s just a story. They didn’t make no Sims 4! You’re just being mean and lying to scare us!”
“Nope, mean maybe but not lying. You kids can kiss your perfect little Sims 3 butts good-bye! If you get lucky, someone will save you on their hard-drive. Worse, Sims 3 didn’t have any of the legends that Sims 2 had. No Goopy, no Komei, No Sandy Bruty… no, you won’t even be remembered for much but pretty pictures and unknown townies. So was my ghost story scary enough for you now?!”
“Oh no, they are going to be prettier sims than us. No one will want to play us anymore. We’re all going to die! I don’t wanna die!”
“Now, now, little girl whose name doesn’t matter to me. There is some hope. Maybe your creator will have a sucky computer and outdated graphic card and won’t be able to install the Sims 4. Now you kids ska-doodle, doodle, okay. I’m tired of using you shamelessly for my soap box.”
After completely destroying those kids hopes and dreams, I went out to check on my horse Photobomb. It sounds like a strange name for a horse, but you’ll understand soon. In general, I never liked Sims 3 that well, but I did like the horse aspect. The pet expansion was well done. Otherwise, I was disappointed. If you love the Sims 3, then more power to you, I guess we all have our own taste in games.
“Excuse me. Are you not Ms. Candi020765, the original writer and creator of the Uglacy?”
“Erm, yes, that’s me. Why?”
“It was a masterpiece! I loved reading it on long flights. And Gage, my favorite character ever. He had so much hotness to him. His animal print garment was mesmerizing. He was a favorite among my people.”
“I am from France.”
“Really, that seems familiar, somehow.”
“France, we are from France.”
“Er, Okay, most people liked Don the Zombie better. But I’m glad you had a favorite.”
“Say, you don’t happen to have Gage Uglacy in your external hard drive by any chance?”
“As a matter of fact I did save all the Uglacies. I just haven’t installed the game in years.”
“Well I would love to have him, I mean a copy of him… I still like to tinker with the game. Could you possibly install the game again and extract him for me?”
“Sure I guess I could do that. Just come by tomorrow and you can have a copy.”
“Oh, I shall be by alright. Thank you Ms. 020765.”
“Wow, he’s a nice neighbor. But there’s something a little different about him, I just can’t put my finger on it.”
Bonus question: Do you know why the horse is named Photobomb yet?
“Can you get the hell out of my picture, I’m trying to write a story here!”
“Yup, they are still there, even my Apocalypse neighborhood. Gosh, I miss this game. Maybe I’ll play it again someday. Well time to reinstall.”
“Now that that’s all done, nothing like a little relaxing telescoping at the end of the night. What, what’s that Photobomb? I shouldn’t telescope with my space rock collection all around me?”
“Pfft, silly horse. You can’t get abducted in the Sims 3. They don’t have cheats for that. Er is that… uh oh.”
(Sims 3 abduction is painful and I’m not talking the probing folks. I had to collect a kazillion space rocks and basically build a shrine for this story line.)
“OH hell no, I am outta here. I saw Fire in the sky… no way… oh look pretty lights!”
“I didn’t know Sims 3 had the Northern lights. Wow, that must have come with Seasons… ahh… crap.”
“Arrrgh, I refuse to get abducted, I am going to hide under this cliff and ensure my abduction pictures completely suck.”
My simself pisses me off sometimes. She ruined the beam up moment.
“Wait, I can explain. If this is about the time I played Starcraft… Oh, I get it, this is an abduction, you’re just going to take me for a little ride around the neighborhood, drop me off all in the red and miserable. Well jokes on you boys, I’m a Knowledge sim.”
“Hey wait a minute. This doesn’t seem right. Is your ship supposed to do this?! Oh good grief, don’t tell me the game is crashing again!”
“Are we there now, are we? I don’t remember these trips taking so long.”
“Calm down human species. Do you ever shut up? Your trip is almost complete.”
“Thank you for flying United Aliens and have a nice day! Tell Gage hello for us!”
“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!”“Oh my gosh, this isn’t Sims 3. I recognize this neighborhood. It’s Strangetown. But this is impossible!”
“For the love of boolprop, I should have known better than to trust that guy from France. You can’t trust those frenchies.”
“Fine, I’ll just start walking like the homeless townie I am.”
“It can’t be, not after all these years…”
“I have to go in. But what is Don going to say? He’s going to be furious with me. I’ve left him locked in a hard drive for years. Granted, I kept him, but he’s going to be pissed.”
“Candi, Candi, is it you? It can’t be. Where have you been?”
“Yea, well about that. I’ve been playing the Sims 3. You know, the new game. Well now they are releasing the Sims 4, so I guess technically it’s not new but…”
“You betrayed us? For another game?!”
“Erm, yes. But I made replicas of all of you in my Sims 3.”
“Oh well isn’t that great! You made REPLICAS of us! While we were stuck in your hard drive waiting for you to come back! Meanwhile you were playing Sims 3! You’re nothing but a traitor. Well isn’t that just fine and dandy!”
“Don, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I loved this game, I loved all of you. But it was new and shiny, and I thought it would be just as fun as this game. It wasn’t, Don. It was full of rabbit holes and cookie cutter sims. None of them had an ounce of your personality. Please forgive me. I knew not what I did.”
“NO can do missy. I just can’t forgive it. First you cheated with World of Warcraft, and now this. YOU left us, YOU betrayed us. Now leave, just go. Go back to your Sims 3 game, or betray all of them for Sim 4. I don’t care!”
“Can’t you hear, he said get out! We don’t want your kind around here. You know better than to mess with me, nice points ain’t my thing. Play us, use us to get famous, and then forget us like yesterday’s news. Well go take your traitorous crap somewhere else!”
Apparently Samara is hostess/bouncer. Her lovely personality has not changed a bit.
Sore from the fall, or actually the landing, tired, and rejected… my simself did what any simself would do in this situation.
Head down to the Crypt! The best downtown bar the Sims have ever seen. These were the days before rabbit holes and bars where you served yourself. But of course who is there but Miss Crumplebottom. Man, I missed her antics.
“I know you, missy… you’re that sim writer aren’t you?”
“You no good traiterous piece of dirt! Why in my day we would have given your simself more than a proper scolding. You should have to wear a giant A on your bosom for, well I’m far too much of a lady to say. You just better hope Grimmy doesn’t see you. He’s got a tomb stone with your name on it!”
“Hmmph, I can’t believe the nerve of that simself, showing her face up here after all these years. Why I never…”
Ok, maybe I didn’t miss her that much.
So what if Crumplebottom had issues. I’d just go dancing. The Crypt was always the place to hang out and dance, and unlike Sims 3 bars, it always had a crowd.
“Hey isn’t that the crazy writer lady?”
“Yeah, I heard she was in an insane asylum!”
“NO she wasn’t. She’s just a traitor, betrayed all of us. Go back to your Sims 3! I bet they can’t dance!”
“Yeah, why don’t you get out of here Benedict Arnold or I’ll pay someone to bitch slap you!”
Mr. Big had his panties in a wad. Things were getting heated to say the least.
“Fine, I’ll just go over here and drink. I don’t need you losers.”
“What, I can’t believe it… not after all these years. It can’t be!”
“Baby, long time no see. What took you so long to bring the Gagemeister back?!”
“Now where the hell have you been and where are my simselves?! This town is dead. Is this any way to treat the star of your show. You do realize I was the top downloaded sim on the Sims 2 exchange!”
I know you are thinking, “yeah right” but for those of you who didn’t have the joy of Sims 2, this was indeed the most sought out sim. At least for a while.
“Gage, I’m sorry man. You’re right, no sim has ever replaced you. Dear lord, the things you did on free will, you literally wrote my story line. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Sure doll, a little woohoo and we’ll call it good. I got a hot tub with your name on it! We can kiss and make up, and then some.”
“Yeah, that ain’t happening, Gage! Not while I’m writing this. But you are right, I do owe you guys and I’m going to try to make this right.”
“Hmm, I have an idea. I could do another Sims 2 Legacy. It would be bold in the face of Sims 3 and Sims 4. A bit rebellious, but I’ve always written to my own drum. And I still have all those simselves in the bin, should I ever found my old friends.”
“In the bin! Do tell, baby! Hope is not lost after all. Free the Simselves!”
“In a while perharps. But first, I would need a founder.”
“Well baby, that’s not for me. I know you have to start out with a handsome sim, but I’m so drop dead gorgeous, that would be unfair. It would never go ugly. Besides, I have an aversion to families and lawn living.”
“No, no, Gage. Of course you are too handsome, *cough, cough.* But it should be an Uglacy, keeping it in the family and all. I just don’t know any pretty Uglacies. Donna’s kind of cute, but she has Don’s nose.”
“Hmm, well sweetie, I’ll think about this, I’m sure I can come up with something. Anything to get some sim self action going again. Man, I miss those days.”
“In the meantime baby, you probably need a place to crash…”
“Uh, Gage, I don’t know. You know I have no bolts for you. Being your creator, I kind of feel like your mom and…”
“Say no more. Does not this fine animal print smoking jacket not say gentleman to you?”
“Well, not exactly. But I guess beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Haha, Gage, should have known. You haven’t changed a bit. An animal print clad condo, just your style!”
“Ugh, Woman, you have never appreciated my excellent taste in interior design. Well, no matter, I should warn you I do have a room mate.”
“Hey baby, what’s up. The Goopster is back in the house!”
“I should have guessed. Goopy is the perfect room mate for you. Now Gage focus, I appreciate you took me in, but we are just friends, so stop rolling any other wants right now.”
“I know you say that darling, but those friend faces are mighty close!”
“We’re just two wild and crazy guys…”
“Oh great, of all the places to stay, I’m at Gage’s and Goopy’s bachelor pad. This can’t get any worse.”
“Hey Mrs. Robinson, want to help me with my homework? It’s Anatomy.”
“Never mind, I take that back, it can get worse.”
I’d almost forgotten about Gage Jr., Gage’s son with Circe Beaker. Yet, another romance sim in the house, and a teen one at that.
“Geesh Gage, this is so sad. Sims 2 was a big game in the day, and now it has been shoved aside. I miss you guys, I really do.”
“Well baby, no one says you have to do what all the other players do. Listen to Gage, I’ve never been one to follow the boring masses.”
“Wow, I never thought I’d be taking advice from you, but you’re right Gage. Who says I have to stop writing Sims 2 stories. I’m going to start again!”
“That’s the spirit, baby! Get those creative mojo molecules moving.”
“I need a founder though. A pretty one to start if I am going to try to do another Uglacy. And preferably an Uglacy to keep it in the family. But who?”
“Well I donno, other than me all the Uglacies pretty much got hit with the ugly stick. I would say Gage Jr. but he has no desire for marriage or baby making. He’s a bit like the old man.”
“Wait, you know what, what about Angel?”
“Yea, yea, when you were playing the apocalypse, you married Don’s son Zip to that Cleopatra townie chick. One fine lady. And they had Don’s first grandchild, a daughter named Angel, whose a real freak for an Uglacy. She has all these ‘nice’ points.”
“Angel? That does sound familiar. And she is a direct link to Don and Samara. But is she pretty?”
“I don’t know, she’s my niece, even I have my standards!”
“You’re a genius Gage, let’s go to Don’s house. I have to see this Angel.”
“Sure baby, but they are pretty pissed at you right now, so you might want to do a lot of gift giving, joke-telling, and hanging out before you pop this idea on them.”
“Please be pretty, please be pretty…”
“Hello Angel, I don’t know if you remember me. I kind of oversaw your family for many years. I’m Candi.”
“Of course I’ve heard about you, grandma and grandpa talk about you all the time. But I’m too nice a sim to repeat what they say. You left us in your hard drive… for years.”
“Heh, heh, heh *insert nervous laughter*… yea, that was just a little misunderstanding. Listen, Angel, I’m going to get right to the point. I need a founder for a new legacy, a pretty sim to start another Uglacy, and you’re perfect…a little Meadow Thayer maybe, but you fit the bill. How would you like to live on a lawn, have lots of babies, and work your butt off.”
“Oh would I?!”
“Er, are you being sarcastic, that creepy smile makes you hard to read.”
“No really, I would. I would have the chance to carry on my family’s name and honor them! It’s a dream!”
“You’re a family sim aren’t you?”
“Yes, yes I am.”
“Great, a nice, pretty family sim. So not use to that. Okay, well you’re have to do.”
“Oh this will be so much fun! I can’t wait.”
“Yea, um well I don’t know how your Grandpa Don is going to take this, so lets just talk with him tonight, okay?”
“OH he will love the idea!”
“I hate the idea! How can you even ask this of our family after the way you betrayed us?!”
“Don, come on, I’m trying to make things right.”
“NO, NO, and NO! You are not using Angel this way!”
Me: “Don I am not just using her to recycle the family, but this is an opportunity to breathe new life into this game.”
Gage: “Yup, I knew I shouldn’t have brought her to the house.”
“Grandpa, please, I want to. I want to have all the fun and excitement that you and Grandma had.”
“Angel, I don’t like this. She’s just using you.”
“Grandpa, I’m tired of being stuck in the hard drive. And if this gets me one half of the love that you and Grandma found, than it will have been more than worth it. Let me do it, preeetttty please.”
“Alright, fine, Angel wants to do this. But I have one condition, she is to go to college. She’s technically a 10th generation, hell 12th generation founder, so it shouldn’t break the rules. I won’t have her missing her education and just being a baby making machine.”
“That’s fair, I can do that.”
“Angel, do you know what you’re getting into? Legacy living is not easy.”
“I’ve made up my mind, mom. Besides, I want a family, and this is my chance to live out an Uglacy tradition.”
“Well, I’m with grandpa. I don’t like this one bit.”
“It’s okay daddy, I really want to do this. I want to show everyone how much better Sims 2 families are. They’ve forgotten us, and they’ve forgotten how much fun we are. I want people to remember what a great game this is!”
“Well that’s it folks. I’m going to do another Sims 2 legacy, and yes Angel really is Don’s granddaughter who I forgot was on my hard drive all these year. I’ve missed this game terribly and I’ve just never felt the same about the Sims 3. I have a feeling that a lot of other people miss it too. So till next time… Happy Simming!
P.S. I really do have a bunch of sim selves saved from the original, so if you’re missing yourself… and was in my game before, let me know.