“LADIES! I’ve heard your simselves recently arrived in Strangetown. Welcome Keika and Nichola to my humble abode.”
“That’s right, baby, the one and only.”
“Do we get to meet Don?!”
*Sigh*. “Sure darling, in due time. Make yourselves at home.”
“Now girls, I know you are probably intimidated by the masterpiece that is me, but please, don’t be. This is after all, Gage’s hot tub of love where no topic is off limits.”
I sincerely apologize to Pony, Sam, and Rflong, whose simselves were shamelessly used in the making of my storyline. (Although Rflong really held her own with Gage!)
“Now I want to be clear about the terrible rumors about me, started heartlessly by my creator Candi. I am completely misunderstood and just want to be best friends with everyone.”
Rflong: “Last I checked girls he was a romance sim, not a popularity ones. He wants friends alright, with benefits. Watch out in here, no splashing… no cuddling of any kind.”
“Hey I resemble, I mean resent that remark.”
True side note… Rflong agrued every topic Gage brought up. Hilarious.
“Sorry to interrupt your pathetic attempts at seduction, but we need to talk mister. I did what you asked, I downloaded these poor simselves against my better judgement. But you’re not holding up your end of the bargain, Gage. When are you going to help me repair my relationship with Don?! We’ve been fighting all over town, and this has gone too far.”
“Just today he had a horrible accident where he ran smack into the tree while stealing our invisible newspaper.”
“Baby, I’m working on it.”
“Enough Gage. It’s been 5 chapters already. You need to make this a priority. Don hates me and it is only getting worse.”
“Relax sweetheart. I got this. I’m nothing if I’m not charming.”
“And full of yourself.”
“I’m confident, baby. I mean look at this package. How can I not be?”
“Yeah, I’d rather poke my eyes out with a rusty fork. Now can you get to this already.”
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I can handle this. But you have to remember, you literally left us in the middle of a zombie eating apocalypse. And Don is dealing with some serious disbandment issues.”
“You mean abandonment issues.”
“NO. You forget I ran an asylum for simselves and was once Dr. Gage. I know diagnoses.”
“UGH. You were a pretend doctor. Fine Gage. Whatever. Just start working on this, okay?”
“Sure baby. Now stop stressing. How about a soak in my hot tub?”
“No thanks. I have a story to write. Just try to be a gentleman, please.”
“Baby, I’m always a gentleman. I know how to treat the ladies.”
“So Gage, we were all talking and we want some of Don’s chili. Can you get it for us?”
“Why of course, Sam. Don and I are tight. He’ll whip me chili and then some. No problemo. The Gagemeister is on it. I wouldn’t leave you ladies down.”
“Gage can you do this, Gage, can you do that. Simselves. So demanding. Pfft. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Now I have to convince that cranky zombie to have a chili party and forgive Candi. What do I look like? Dr. Fricking Phil?”
Woah… note to self, way too much animal print for one picture.
Meanwhile, at Don’s…
Samara: “Honey, come play some poker with us. Stop moping.”
Don: “Samara, I’m not moping. I’m angry. She trampled all over this family and threw us out like we were yesterday’s garbage.”
Samara: “Now that isn’t completely true, Don. She did save us on a hard drive for years.”
Donna: “Yeah, Dad, I hate to say this, because I love to hate people, but maybe it’s time to move on.”
Ding dong (Or Insert doorbell sound of choosing).
“Gage. so good to see you. How’s everything at your new condo?”
“Hey daddy Don. Can’t complain, the view is great.”
“Yeah, I heard you’ve been having quite the time of it. What happened, Gage? Did you sell out already. Did you forgive Candi for a cheetah car and a hot tub?!”
“I’m appalled. You know me better than that. I’m not that cheap. She had to download simselves too.”
“Why, I can’t believe I wasted all that time potty training you and you stab me in the back like this! Have you forgot how she abandoned us? Left us unplayed for YEARS!”
“Now listen Don, I agree that was wrong, but if you are going to be angry with anyone, maybe you should be ticked at EA, who shut down our site in the height of popularity just so they could repackage the same game all over again. And that destroyed the Sims 2, not her. Now I’m not condoning what she did, but everyone makes mistakes. Except for me, because I’m exceptional. But let’s be honest here. Don’t you miss the parties, the good times? She came back. We have the chance to do it all again.”
“Maybe you have a point. Sure, I miss the good times. But she put those brain eating zombies back in the game!”
“Come on Don. You know that was an accident. She totally sucks at this game.”
“Well, yea. Okay Gage, I’ll give you that one.”
“So let’s have a huge chili party, all the Uglacies, all the simselves. Crash this game like never before.”
“That does sound like fun.”
“And no more fighting with her, Don. Geesh, that ruins a party score.”
“I’ll try, but no promises. My enemy meter is out of control.”
Flash back to the actual legacy house, Nose and Wendy have returned home from college. Nose sports a nifty suit. Still living on the dark side of life, he hasn’t changed much.
He and Quinomei play an immediate game of redhands. “Gosh, son, I’ve missed this, sniff.”
Wendy moves back home and ask Jihoon to move in, avoiding the error you get if engaged to a college student and then you can never marry them in Sims 2. So move em in and live in sin first, another Sim 2 Tip.
Still playing the well dressed handicap, I had outfits already selected for Jihoon. But seeing his choice in clothing, this is staying! It so fits his quirky personality. He rocks those socks and sandals.
Unfortunately Nose remains a vampiric idiot, and immediately decides to go hot tubing in the middle of the afternoon.
“Nose, have you learned nothing from college?”
“But Wendy, I am drawn to the light, the sun is so pretty.”
He reminds me of a moth. And he was headed for the same fate.
“Well big brother, it’s been great. But you need to get off this lot before you burn to a crisp and we don’t have time to babysit you anymore.”
“Love you sis, invite me to lunch, er, a late dinner sometime.”
Then he moved out, took his dog Moody with him, and settled into a nice apartment in the downtown area where he could be his vampire, Night Life self. Don’t worry, we will see him again for holiday and events. He’s living it up as a spare.
“Wendy, we were just getting to know your friend Baboon… I asked him what part he played in planet of the apes…”
“Mom, it’s Jihoon, his name is Jihoon.”
“Jihoon, I have something to give you…”
“A name tag so your idiotic parents know who I am?!”
“No, I want you to marry me and become Jihoon Uglacy.”
“Oh my!” Insert girly squeal… “I never imagined being in a legacy family!”
And he says yes… so a little profile on Jihoon. He’s a family sim with a lifetime want of being… wait for it… AN EDUCATION MINISTER! Ugh! What is with these sims and their constant need to be teachers! I mean I have nothing against teaching, but come on. He’s a Cancer, 6 Neat points, 3 Outgoing, 6 Active, 4 Serious, and 6 Nice. So he is well balanced, there’s that. He rolls his second aspiration as pleasure. Well good, he’ll enjoy all the dates he and Wendy will have.
Which gave Wendy time to plan for the big wedding. She looks like she might be regretting her choice… nah, she just hates the veil I picked. Well tough, bridezilla, there’s no time to download now.
Meanwhile, out on the front lawn…
“Kick her sorry simself butt, Don…”
“Take her down!”
Let the festivities begin…
“You stop picking on my dad. You left him in the sim bin for years, and you have the nerve to show your boobs, I mean face, here!”
“Eyes up here, Zip. I can tell you are related to Gage.”
Finally everyone settled down enough to have the wedding, let the inappropriate heart farting begin…
“I can’t believe they seated me next to you. Pervert.”
“Well it’s not my fault you dressed like Gage picked out your formal wear. Maybe his animal print fetish is wearing off on you. That is so classy for a wedding.”
Maybe Zip has a point. Plus fighting Don in high heels is putting me at a disadvantage. Note to self: Download some new formal wear.
The wedding was beautiful… Sneak peek at the album.
Finally, it’s time for generation 2 to begin. Which means…
Time to Party!!! Hey is that Russian? It looks Russian. Eh, time to drink champagne, vodka, whatever…
Let the toasting and endless peeing commence. To the Bride and Groom…
“May they have lots and lots of legacy babies… Back off Zip, I’m watching you.”
“Here’s to you Wendy, may you find the love and happiness that Samara and I have.”
“Thank you Grandpa Don, that means a lot to me.”
I knew Don had hit the champagne pretty hard, so now that he was wasted, I mean relaxed, it was my chance to approach him.
“Don, let’s get along. We both want a future for this legacy, come on, it’s time to move on. Be on the same side again.”
“Nah, Nah, nah, not listening. I don’t want to hear it. You left us. You didn’t care about this family for years. Now you want to be friends again, I don’t think so. Apology denied.”
Don shot me down three times… talk about a grudge.
Even Wendy tried to help and influenced Don to apologize to me.
“Come on grandpa, let bygones be bygones. Isn’t it time to focus on the positives and let go of the past.”
But what did my simself do…
“So now you want to apologize. Well I don’t think so. You just shot me down, and that ship has sailed.”
Yeah, I have no control over Don or my simself at this point. Just best to leave it alone.
Random townie: “This wedding cake is delicious!”
Wendy: “Who are you again?”
Townie: “Oh I’m just a random townie who decided to crash your wedding for free cake and vodka.”
Wendy: “It’s champagne. Russian champagne.”
Townie: “Exactly! That’s what Vodka is.”
“Wendy, you’ve been such a good sport about this. I got you a wedding gift, a honeymoon to Twikki Beach.”
“Oh my gosh, really?! I thought legacy sims were not allowed to take vacations.”
“No, I think they can. Just get a few dates in with Jihoon, okay. And by a few, 50 would be nice. Reach your lifetime goal and get it out of the way, okay?”
“Er…”“Hello bell hop who looks an awful lot like my husband… I’m here for my free vacation package.”
“Oh the 3 day budget plan…”
“I should have known. Seriously, 50 dates in 3 days. That’s not happening.”
And it didn’t…
“It was nice of her to give us a little breather before we enslave our lives as legacy sims forever… but we only have three days, so we have to make the most of it.”
“Does everything we do have to be a date?”
“Yea, pretty much. On the plus side, we will be super platinum while we are super exhausted.”
“Um,that doesn’t really sound like a vacation…”
Actually it sounds just like a vacation in real life.
Swimming in the ocean only gives her 500 aspiration points? Cough, cough, Rip off!
The ocean definitely gives me more aspiration points than that!
“Well if it’s aspiration points you want…”
Nooo, look away!
Dream Date! Not mine of course… but good for them.
“The Riff raff at this hotel is terrible. That old geezer just took my egg omelet.”
“What?! I cannot allow him to do this to my beautiful bride.”
“You sir, unhand that meal. How dare you steal my wife’s ice cream.”
“It was an omelet…”
“Ice cream, omelet, same difference.”
And that is how we got him to step away from the omelet so Wendy could eat. Hey, this hotel food is expensive. So what if it has a few old man germs on it?
It was time to enjoy the local hot springs, although who left the eight year old brat in is anyone’s guess.
“Hey, hey guys! Do you want to hear about my new top!”
In unison: “NO, no we don’t!”
“It spins really, really fast! And it’s red and yellow, and I can make it go all the way across the room!”
Next up, a tour of the pirate ship.
“Ahoy, matey, bring us ashore!”
“Aye, Aye Captain.”
Note that Wendy is the captain, and Jihoon is the first mate… yea, that tells you a lot about how this marriage is going to be.
“BOO, I’m Edward Dregg, land lovers, and I don’t like no sims plundering me boat. But if you friend me, I shall teach you a chanty of the sea. I was an awesome sim captain in Sims 2 but I got pretty lamed down in Sims 3, and I’m still pissed about it.”
“So I’m on my honeymoon, and I was thinking about, you know, spicing things up a bit. A little bondage maybe. I could do a whole sea captain scenario, you have any tips for the ladies? Can I borrow the eye patch?!”
“Er… I think I’m going back into my cabin now… you’re on your own mate.”
“So I can see how this legacy gig can get tiring. I mean, we’ve been on a never ending rotation of dates and interactions and this is just a vacation! Do we get a prize for this?”
“Um, we get to have kids, work our butts off to reach the top of our careers, skill till we drop, and then die…”
“Oh. That sounds… really depressing… Is there an up side?”
“Lots and lots of birthday parties?”
“What are you doing , Jihoon?”
“Trying to dig my way out.”
“Roll your hips, yes, yes that’s it. Now you can go home and teach everyone the Macarena!”
“I thought this was the hula…”
“Sorry, but remember you got the low budget vacation. Next up, Wheels on the Bus…”
“Well that’s it, Jihoon. Tomorrow, we start legacy living. Any regrets?”
“I got you baby, it will be fine. Besides I’m a family sim, I’m already rolling wants for babies and I can handle all those dates with just you. Now if I were romance, this would be a lot more painful.”
“So this is it, our last breakfast in peace.”
“Do we have to go back, she might not notice…”
Fat chance of that… *cracks whip*
“Well at least we finished with some car woohoo…wait what’s sound?”
“It sounded like a lullabye…”
Welcome home my pretties…
Meanwhile, while Wendy and Jihoon were goofing off, Quinomei had been hard at work using his gold sewing badge and taking over the old ladies’ quilt club.
“Hey, I make a mean quilt!”
I’m sure you do.
Angel was hard at work designing bouquets and snapdragons. Their flower and crafts store is at a whole level 4 now. Yes, be amazed.
“Hey Wendy, how was the honeymoon…”
“Er never mind dear, I don’t need details.”
Now that the honeymoon was officially over, Wendy went back to work on a servo, that we can never use because of the the pets clogging up this house. I don’t like the pet handicap. You always have 3 pets or more running around and it does not leave room for spares or servos. I am beginning to think about ditching that restriction.
Jihoon has taken up pottery, cause that’s sexy in the movie Ghost. But Jihoon making plates not so much. He’s just at the playdoh level right now.
Quinomei actually surprises me and does something on free will I rarely see. He runs up to Wendy right after she finds out she is pregnant and talks to her belly.
“Hey there little one, whose your totally cool grandpa, yeah, that’s me. Pssk, stay in, it’s not safe out here.”
So giving the pets one more go, we adopt a female for Peppy, our current heir pet. Now in case you’ve forgotten, I’m trying to do the pet handicap, where you actually breed your pets alongside your sims, but it is a huge pain. This is Buffy, I absolutely love her because she looks like my real life dog…Teddy, a Basinji.
Unfortunately, Peppy does not share my sentiments.
“Grrrr, I hate you. Get out of my yard!”
Dang it, this is not how puppies are made. I’m probably going to have to lock them in the yard together like I did before with Pep’s mom and dad. Well this sucks.
Jihoon can’t find a job teaching, so he buys the Mercantile Mart in Blue Water and opens up a pottery store. He can only make plates, so the merchandise is quite limited. Like plates. Only plates. And more plates.
Angel: “This store sucks, who is going to buy plates… how boring.”
“I can’t believe we sold out. Tell me again why I bother making Snapdragons?”
Quinomei on the other hand is quite the business man who wants to hire Don the Zombie for an employee. Smart choice as Don is quite the worker, however, he isn’t about to leave his chili palace. Yea, he carries it around in his want panel.Hire Don the Zombie as an employee. Not likely, but very smart.
Therefore, Quinomei hires Lainey Bartlett, a semi-ugly teenager who might be useful later. Right now, she doesn’t have a badge to her name and whines constantly.
“I have to stand at the cash register today? Ugh, that so unfun Mr. Uglacy. Can’t I just stand around and look pretty and people will pay me?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lainey, there’s no such thing as a job like that.”
Ok, maybe there are some jobs like that.
So I’m tired of boring businesses, and decide to do something that I’ve never seen done before. Someone may have, so don’t send me ugly messages if this was your idea first. Copyright it, okay. So its a Christmas Lot!!! With Christmas trees! Yay! Only, I have no idea if this will work because my seasons pack is right on the verge of winter and I’m not sure sims will like shopping outside in the cold. This could be great… or it could be horribly disastrous! The Uglacies dropped a cool $20,000 on this lot in Blue Water.
Gage Jr. seems to approve. Of course that doesn’t mean much, but still.
Finally, Jihoon gets a job in teaching, And who does he bring home from work his first day but Samantha Ottoman. Now in case you’ve forgotten, she was the bring home coworker of both Quinomei and Angel back in the day, but now it looks as if she’s been demoted from Education Minister to Playground Monitor with Jihoon. Worse, he has all these lightning bolts and inappropriate thoughts with her. Grrr. Dude she has a whole houseful of kids and a loser husband.
“Here, Samantha, let me massage your back for you…”
“Oh Jihoon, that’s so kind of you.”
Random townie: “Boo, hiss, hiss, you’ve got a pregnant wife you jerk.”
My sentiments exactly.
“Um, yes, Sim Pet Patrol? I’d like to report our dog Buffy as missing. How long has she been gone, er, today, a few days, not sure, we haven’t paid any attention to her since we brought her home. We just noticed she’s missing.”
Yea, Buffy ran away. I haven’t had that happen before, but the other dogs hated her and no one had a relationship with her. I’m sure my sims would do this if they could.
“Hey Quinton, look at my awesome hula I learned at the island.”
“Wow Buffoon, that’s the most awesome hula ever!”
Said the loser to the loser. Dumb and Dumber.
“So I don’t know what happened guys, one minute I was Education Minister, and the next I was monitoring the playground again. It’s as if I have no control of my life or my fate.”
“Er What do you mean you’re my mother in law’s best friend?”
“Well we’ve known each other forever. Why I remember when Wendy was in diapers.”
That awkward moment when you realize you’ve been hunting cougar.
While everyone else was enjoying a soak in the tub, Wendy was hard at work, finishing up a servo we could never use *sob* and basking in the glow of her tinkering abilities…
When suddenly…“OWwww, owww, owww, owww. Where is everyone?! I’m in labor!”
“It’s been summer for like 5 chapters now. It’s time for winter. Is that screaming I hear. No, never mind. Probably just the winter wind starting. So what were we talking about… oh yes. Seasons. Any day now, there will be snow.”
“Oh man, that was screaming we heard!”
“Oh look Tiffany, it’s your stupid daddy who just missed your birth.”
Yup, it’s a girl, and continuing with the naming of horror movies/monsters, meet Tiffany, named after Chucky’s girlfriend…
“Barbie, eat your heart out.”
“Hey, why does her thought bubble have my husband in it?!”
And with that that I shall leave the readers. Tune in next time to answer the questions…
- Will Don ever forgive me?
- Will the Christmas lot be a success or a dismal failure?
- Will Buffy ever return home, and why would she?
- Did I just lose the cool zombie skins?
- Is Jihoon ever going to stop crushing on Samantha?
Until next time, Happy Simming!!!