“Geesh, when is this loser ever going to update…”
Okay, okay, I know I’m way behind. It’s been two chapters of college, which can be pretty painful in a legacy. So quick recap, this is the Uglacies, they have 10 generations to get even uglier. Legacy living means no cheats. No boolprops. Not even a motherlode. I am on generation 3. Because it’s been ages since I updated this, here is a VERY quick review.
The founding couple of our legacy was Angel Uglacy, an actual granddaughter of Don Zombie, and daughter of Zip the Zombie… who goes back years ago and this family’s legacy would take a whole story in itself, so let’s keep it simple. She is on a quest to bring back the ugly to the Uglacy, so she marries Quinton from her college day, or as I liked to call him, Quinomei in honor of his Uncle Komei.
They had two children, Nosferatu and Wendy. Nose is named after the original vampire that was in some old black and white movie from 1800, or something like that. Wendy is named for the wife of Jack Torrance in the Shining. My naming theme… horror movies of course! Nose becomes a vampire, and Wendy becomes heir.
Wendy marries her college boyfriend Jihoon, or as I liked to call him Baboon… and they have four children…
Tiffany, the oldest and in the front hogging the picture is named for Chucky’s girlfriend. Shaun, the only boy, is named for Shaun of the Dead. The twins Lisa and Louise, Louise being the zombie, are named for the twins off the Shining.
Louise wins the heir ship for her awesome good looks. She is a romance sim with a want for 20 lovers, a chip off the old block of Gage Uglacy.
Now this legacy would not be complete without mentioning the mini legacy happening in the background… The Uglacy’s dogs. Without a doubt the Family Breed is the most difficult handicap I am playing. Pinstar says it’s technically not a handicap but you should literally get at least 10 extra points and a brand new car for this fiasco. Meet Pierre, our doggy founder. Why I started with such an asshole dog I will never know.
Pierre’s mate was Lassie, a very sweet, pretty collie who never deserved to be part of this dysfunction. After he got done beating her up and hating her, I had to lock them together in a fence for days to get them to even like one another. The result was…
Frick, Folly, and Frack, the hound dogs from hell. They all looked identical. Yes, Frack is attacking his own mother. Folly became heir. Now just so you can see how absolutely fun dogs have been, let me share some pics…
Easily the hardest handicap ever… the family breed is not for the weak. The dogs poop, pee, tear stuff up, and exhaust the legacy family. Good times.
Folly would breed with a terrier named Moody, and have Peppy…
Peppy was then with Teddy (we were adopting dogs to add in).
Teddy had two puppies Mustard and Ketchup.
And Mustard bred with a black lab named Lulu, who had Sugar and Spice. Which leads us to our current heir dog, Sugar. Spice was given to Lisa, a spare dog for a spare sim. See, the dogs are more complicated then the actual family. Whew, I can barely keep track of this crap. So onwards…
Now back to our current story in progress. The little Greek house on Peanut street has grown. It’s a bit dismal, but at least it’s not all pepto bismol pink like Heather Huffington’s house down the block.
“OH my gosh, you’re actually back. We thought you died.”
Shut up Lisa. Moving on.
Louise, the chosen heir, continues to work on her aspiration of 20 lovers. I doubt she’ll be platinum by the end of college to spite her dedication.
On top of that, I suspect Louise and Heather Huffington may have done some college porn…
“That it girls, get naughty.”
But I don’t think Louise will have a gold badge in cosmetology any time soon. I should add a disclaimer here that if you actually are reading this because you want to see awesome legacy playing, you’ve picked the wrong story. IF you’re amused by watching another player bumble everything worse then you ever could, well enjoy!
“Oh my Bruce, I never noticed how tight your elastic suit was.”
Sadly he gazes into her eyes, while she gazes at, well, his nether regions. Romance sims, pffft. She and Bruce have been housemates forever, and for good reason, we wait until he graduates for her to claim another lover. Cause jealousy in the Sims 2 never ends… never. Thinking they are being clever, they sneak off to the hot tub of love.
Unfortunately the woohoo hearts gave it away. No life of a romance sim would be complete without…drama.
“BRUCE, BRUCE is that your woohoo heart in the hot tub! That better not be!”
“OH noo, no, no, no, you’re with that sleeze Louise! How could you break my heart like this Bruce?”
Emily Lew: “OH I can’t look. I thought I was the only one he cheated with.”
“HOW dare you cheat with anyone else but me, Bruce!”
“Hey Emily, he’s my boyfriend… I should be the one slapping him.”
“Get in line, sister…Oh, wait, yes you’re right. I have absolutely no relationship with him… cough, cough. Carry on then.”
Bruce, obliviously, “Woah, that Louise…she is so hawt.”
“WHAT the hell is going on here?! First woohooing with Louise, and now Emily slaps him! Something is amiss.”
Well, in layman terms, I think your boyfriend may be a tool. But it’s just an educated guess.
After all that excitement, FINALLY… Louise graduates. Note the artistic use of grilled cheese in this graduation portrait.
“Yeah it’s rotten grilled cheese.”
“Lets Rock and Roll. Still waiting on platinum…”
Arrrgh. Fine. Homeward with you. So sick of college right now. Let’s see who you can boink in your neighborhood.
Of course the spares graduated too. First was Tiffany.
“Are you kidding me, this outfit is sooo not me! I’m a fortune sim, not a bum!”
Then Lisa, who Kaylynn did not look happy about.
“She’s going to leave me!”
Actually, you’re probably get a nice little house together, and never be played again.
And lastly, Shaun. It was time to leave college behind… yay, these were the longest semesters ever!
“Mom, it’s good to be home.”
“Yes, well I’ve just been hanging out in my nightgown playing pool. Exactly how you left me 4 years ago. Thank goodness this isn’t the sims 3 and I was aging, because I would be dead by now as long as those college chapters took.”
“So mom, let me show you my cosmetology skills. How about a new haircut, you’ve been wearing that since you went to college.”
“Well maybe something new would be nice. You probably have your gold badge by now…”
“Bronze! What were you doing all that time in college?”
“I was networking mom.” *cough, cough*
“Look mom! You look great! It’s a young haircut!”
“It is nice, but it looks oddly familiar.”
Maybe that’s because it’s Tiffany’s hair… note to self, download more hair.
In the meantime,
“Tiffany, you can’t have mom’s hair. That’s an old lady cut. Try this!”
“OH I love it.”
Let it not be said I don’t keep my sims happy. Speaking of…
Time for some loving.
“I wish I may, I wish I might, get some more woohoo tonight!”
I knew the pain of getting this wishing well would be worth it.
And he’s ugly! Bonus Points!
Geez, this is almost too easy. I should feel bad. One interaction, three bolt chemistry, and instantly falling in love.
I should feel bad, but I don’t… 😀 Steve Jayapalan, lover # 16.
Well maybe I feel a little bad about the dog. Look away, Sugar, look away.
“Hey that mutt barking at us is totally ruining the mood.”
Victim # 17, Professor Shea Alloto. Apparently Louise likes redheads and pervy professors. Another 3 bolt chemistry.
Bleh, I need to wash my eyeballs out now.
Not that Louise’s life is all fun and games right now. Time to garden.
“You’re kidding me, right. When’s the last time someone tended this mess.”
Before you went to college, now get crackin missy.
And then there’s the handicaps we’re after. This includes reading magazines. She has to keep up 10 point interest in crime for fearless, fashion for the well dressed sim, and culture for the noble composure sim, because well, the Uglacies are all about that. Nothing says noble and cultured like an Uglacy.
“You do realize none of us can pass out or pee ourselves for noble composure, right? That one’s going to be impossible with your sim management.”
It hasn’t happened yet… I think. I need to re-read my own chapters. Quick reminder, I’m trying to get storyteller too, one novel per generation, and roaming ghosts. And then there’s the pet lineage. Plenty of mini challenges for us. Cause 10 generations of hell just isn’t enough.
Louise invites Lisa over to give her one of the puppies, because there are four dogs hogging up the home right now (the family breed challenge is a serious pain in the butt).
Sugar and Spice both love Lisa, the only kid that played with the dogs. We decide to keep Sugar and give Spice away. Lucky Spice.
“Please take me, Lisa, they haven’t fed me since you left, and you can imagine the horrors I’ve had to witness by your sister.”
Don’t you just hate it when your sentry bot malfunctions. Poor Jihoon, right in the line of fire. He got his flamingo fried.
*pops popcorn* *snicker*
Woah it gets the neighbor that never leaves, Samantha Ottoman. Maybe you should go home sometime, not that I blame you with your loser husband and twenty kids waiting at your house. And her mother-in-law. Maxis had a cruel sense of humor when they put this family in the neighborhood.
“Woah that was fantastic. Can you do another bust a move! This time add more bounce.”
Gads, motel boys only have the option to chat… and tip them of course. Ripoff!
“Just wanted to let you know Baboon, you are doing a great job of bringing back the Uglacy’s good looks.”
“I’m Jihoon… Jihoon.”
“Yea, sure, whatever man. I’m Gage, I’m sure you’ve heard of me. Gagemeister, stud muffin, simself lover, most downloaded sim ever, master of the universe, Bachelor extraordinaire…”
“Er, no, doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Dude, you really don’t get out much. I was five stars back in my day and had simselves clammering to download me, and I bet you can imagine why.”
“No, I really can’t. And please, for the love of God, please don’t tell me.”
“My mojo… it’s irresistible. In fact, I should go into business with it.”
“Yea, you do that. Gotta get back to my flower store now. Good luck with that escort service or whatever the hell you’re considering.”
Yay, the pottery shop is now a 10! Only nine more businesses to go… *sigh*
Meanwhile, Louise closing in on her lifetime desire of 20 lovers. #18 Steve Jayapalan.
“Wow, it’s getting hot in here!”
“Thanks Louise, I think I need to check myself into a burn center now.”
Talk about a girl whose electrifying…
“That Louise, how dare she constantly cheat on me, although I cheated on two girls to be with her.”
Yea, Bruce, how dare she.
So since Louise moved back in, Bruce is here every flipping day… stalking…eating our food, hanging out in the hot tub.
“Bruce, come on, I’m trying to get my lifetime want here and you’re cramping my style. What can I do to get you to settle down?”
“Well, what I’m really pissed off about is this bowl haircut you gave me. Look at these cool robes I morphed into after college. I’m not the same geeky kid in a pink super hero outfit. I’m zen and with it now.”
“I can fix that Bruce, I think. Well I have a bronze badge so it’s iffy. Either I’ll fix it or you will look like a clown.”
“Life is full of risks, Louise. I’ll take it.”
“Good, I’m glad you like it. Now can you stop leaving poo on my steps and knocking over my trashcan.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, I never did that.”
Really Bruce, cause I got pictures saying otherwise. You’ve been dumping our trash… and worse…
“I have your gnome, leave $50,000 simoleans in the mailbox tomorrow or you’ll never see him again.”
Bruce we are not paying 50,000 for a wooden gnome.
No. Go home, Bruce.
“A grilled cheese sandwich and a game of pool?”
“Did you forget something?”
Er, is the garden finished yet? Lemonade STAT. Well at least she’ll have a nice zombie tan for summer.
It was time to pick a mate for Sugar, and since we have opened the color green, I have Louise adopt a pit bull from the pet store. We shall call him… Puke.
Puke immediately fits into the family tradition of evil dogs.
The Grunt boys certainly seem attracted to the Uglacy girls, and Louise zeros in on Buck Grunt. He’s all for a date and dancing at Don’s Chili Palace.
But try to kiss him, and oh nooo…
“I’m not that kind of guy! And you were with my brother Ripp!”
Details, details. Buck and his sense of morals. Ugh.
It took 2 annoying days of dating him, but finally!
Lover 19=Buck Grunt.
“Yes Police, my ex lover Bruce keeps walking in here like he owns the place. Can I file a restraining order?”
“Hey Louise, got anything to eat?”
This guy will not give up. He’s at the house every flipping day.
“You want me to go on an outing cause you’ve heard how fun I am. Yea, I bet you have. Will there be making out on this outing? Well in that case…”
“So have you woohoo’d any repairmen yet?”
“No, the motel boy was not having it. I did woohoo a creepy professor tho.”
I smell puppy love… or maybe just the pee all over the house. Puke does seem to like Sugar, that could make things nice if I don’t have to actually lock two dogs together to build a relationship.
“Not that I mind, but why do you keep inviting me over for chicken noodle soup? Don’t you know I like Chili?”
“Because Don, you’re a filthy flu infested neighbor that keeps coming over here and making us sick. Now eat the damn soup!”
Lover # 20… Nery Turner! Yea, Louise gets her lifetime want and is platinum for life.
Better yet, we get a discount on furniture! What a deal! Woohooing complete strangers certainly has it’s perks!
With the twenty lovers out of the way, it was time to get down to baby making. Bruce had grown on me, and he’s certainly got the ugly down. They have a great relationship right now, so Louise proposes the big question. I figured it was in the bag.
“Hey Bruce, since you already practically live here, I Have a a proposal for you.”
Drumroll please… “Marry Me!”
“No way, I’m not falling for that.”
SAY WHAT! Ugh, he rejects her! Totally did not see that coming.
Not two seconds later, “Well if you won’t marry me, let’s just make out.”
“Sure, I got no problem with that.”
They both seemed happy to totally disobey me… grrr, sims.
“Let’s make out on this downloaded couch, this should be fun. I will show you the ways of yoga make out.”
Cow to dog, “You poor puppy, hey, don’t pee on the suit again.”
“Wow, what great flexibility you have, Bruce.”
“Hours of yoga, baby.”
Louise: “Did you hear something?”
Bruce: “Like what?”
Louise: “It sounded like baby music.”
Bruce: “It’s just the wind. We refused to get married, and it’s known you have to be married in a legacy to have babies. Legacies are neat and clean like that.”
*whistles innocently, sure sure*
Oh no, no, no, don’t you dare pass out Jihoon and ruin my noble composure handicap. Nevermind that I forgot about you and left you tending the garden all day. Is he technically passed out if he is standing upright still. I say, NO.
Drink your lemonade and go to bed… that was close. Jihoon nearly pee’d himself too. I managed to keep him on his feet and clean so I didn’t lose the handicap, but it was very, very close.
Louise invites Bruce on a date. When asked what he wants on their date, Bruce apparently wants to cheat on Louise with Emily Lew. Wow. Just wow. And I thought my sims were jerks.
Louise isn’t bothered in the least. Typical romance sim.
After finishing their date with some woohoo, Louise does manage to get a ring on Bruce technically by piercing it through his lip. She asked him to move in, which he promptly accepted to spite his refusal to marry her. It’s the next best thing to marriage.
Now this is confusing, he wouldn’t marry Louise but his first big want is to propose to her. And to bathe our dogs. It just doesn’t get any better that this. Now he wants to marry her. And the dogs do need baths, so it’s a win, win.
“Louise, baby, I’m old fashioned and just wanted to do the proposing. Will you marry me?”
Fortunately, Louise hasn’t rolled any fears of marrying Bruce. I have some fears about him, like he needs medication, but she doesn’t. Just in the knick of time, because generation 4 is on it’s way.
Let’s talk Bruce. Bruce is an Aquarius, who enjoys playing bass and avoiding work. He is lazy, sloppy, and playful. Although nice, he is shy (lies) and prefers dark hair and cologne, but hates little old ladies with gray hair. His interest include entertainment and culture (Ha!) and his inventory includes one gnome (I wonder where he got that).
And now we have a new stalker, Emily Lew. Great.
“Well she took my man! That hussy.”
Yea, cheating with him on you while you were cheating with him on another girl. Your indignation is so justified.
Meanwhile, Louise engages in the most painful, time-consuming interaction in Sims 2. Passing perks. This literally could kill a sim time wise, so I have started to do it off the home lot so it doesn’t age my sims.
“And then there’s clocking out. You have to clock these whiny employees out before they get unhappy, or they will quit on you.”
‘Yea mom, okay. Can we go home now. It’s not like I’m ready to pop this kid out or anything.”
The wedding was hurried for obvious reasons. It went well except for a few problems.
Shaun apparently borrowed Uncle Gage’s suit for the wedding. Nice.
“Shut up, you don’t give us nice clothes anymore.”
You’re a spare, I don’t have the time to make you look good. Not my fault you left college with that unfortunate get up.
Wendy was apparently very happy that her daughter was getting married.
“Yea, finally she can stop whoring around and start having babies. Tiffany dear, when are you and Tank tying the knot.”
“Oh you know mom, we’re enjoying the spare life right now. I’m sure he’ll get to the question soon enough.”
All in all everyone was happy about the nuptials, except for Danae, the cow from college, who showed up and glared at everyone.
“How dare these people marry when I flirted with both of them!”
And Emily Lew who seriously showed up uninvited as a wedding crasher.
“Hey have I missed the wedding? No problem, I can ruin the reception.”
Speaking of missing the wedding…
“Lisa, where are you, why aren’t you here for your twin sister’s wedding. What do you mean she invited your dog but not you? Get over here pronto.”
True story, we could invite the dog but not Lisa… weird glitch?
Finally we can celebrate… what?! Someone died?! How dare they in the middle of a wedding.
Mustard took the opportunity to pass away and screw up the wedding at this very moment. Way to go Mustard. Told you dogs are a pain.
No one seemed particularly upset over Mustard, except poor old Lulu, who howled for hours. 😦
“I would like to take a moment to toast my beautiful daughter and new son in law, Bruce. May your love be a symbol of loyalty, faithfulness, and commitment for years to come.”
“Cough, cough, not likely.”
“What was that Emily Lew?”
“Er nothing, just my champagne went down wrong.”
“Oh my God, the dead dog is stinking this wedding up!”
Okay, not really, it’s the live dog. Fooled you.
Time to cut the cake, and this would have been a lovely picture if not for fricking Emily in the background swooning over Shaun in his outrageous suit.
“Oh my, a fellow romance sim with good taste in animal prints.”
“Er, no really I’m not a romance sim… and this suit isn’t mine.”
“Be still my beating heart.”
The thought bubbles say it all. Geesh. Can anyone focus on the wedding please?!
Lisa finally shows up at the end of the reception.
“Wendy, maybe we should use the wishing well and find Lisa a nice young man.”
“Lisa’s gay dear.”
“What? When did this happen?”
“About three chapters ago. You really need to pay more attention, Jihoon.”
Sometimes I get so annoyed with my sims, and then they autonomously do something cute like this.
“Whose grandpa’s baby, huh? Who is, you is. That’s who.”
Green Acres is the place to be…
“Shut up narrator. Who puts a pregnant girl out in the hot sun and has her planting a garden?! I better not get burned again! There is only one thing worse than this!”
“Louise, I need to discuss travel perks with you…”
“Mom seriously, a thinking cap and using the fall advantage? Do you really think this will help?”
“I’m desperate, all this work and you only have 4 perks…”
“Aww, this is the life. Just chilling by the pool. Is that screaming I hear?”
“Dear, please, you don’t have to be so dramatic about the perks.”
“It’s not that, mom. The baby is coming!”
Meet Seth, named for the main character in the horror movie, The Fly.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a family so happy about a baby. Maybe it’s cause they are all family sims… well all except…
“Here you go, Bruce… take the baby. You’re the family sim. I want to go take a bubble bath.”
And that’s it folks, I finally caught up. Join us next time for more simming mishaps. Until then, happy simming!